#why do only bad miserable awful things happen to me

[halo-chainsaw]

Shut up i'm talking patreon only 7$!!!!!

The patreon podcast is out, and I have just finished listening to it!

I decided to write down some notes for those who are interested but do not have the patreon. It's a long one, but I picked out what I thought would be important + silly moments here n there

Podcast is recorded the morning of Dream's video (I'm sorry but not to Tommyinnit)

Tommy called his mom about the situation first, discussing about how it was awful (pre reddit post)

Harry wrote the "you can call me anything but do not call me poor" LOL

Tommy didn't watch the dream stream but read a synopsis, and he said that was enough

He's spoken to Dream privately several times (starting 2023), all his friends told him that dream was taking advantage of him, but he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt

He has told dream to change how he acts, and dream has refused. Has had conversations like this multiple times.

Told dream in a conversation he was no longer speaking to him and was no longer talking to him after he talked to his mom. Was previously ignoring him but blocked him outright.

After his dream v quackity sketch dream sent him awful and mean messages.

Jack and Tommy are pissed off about people saying to "resolve it privately". They have tried multiple times to solve things privately, but Dream will take things public.

Jack had a 2 hour long call with dream on jack's DADS BIRTHDAY??? and it was about why he didn't like dream, and about dream's allegations.

the "Jack mentions Dream" account bothers Jack since its a bunch of indirect things, and him responding to messages rather than him just bringing Dream up.

Dream says Jack spreads rumors about him.

Jack does not think dream is a p*dophile, but he finds the situation(s) he was in wildly inappropriate.

Dream showed everyone his evidence against the grooming allegations in the DreamSMP discord. Jack said he told Dream it weirded him out, because either way, he was still messaging a fan, and it pissed Dream off.

Jack flat out calls Dream "stupid".

He's very pissed about the "unfaithful" rumor, and he's very vocal about it for a minute.

Jack reiterates the editor story with the 50 quid

They point out how the Dream ignores the George and Caiti situation, along with clipping Tubbo out of context.

"I can't believe he thought he could win by just lying. Especially when you've got a reputation of lying." -Jack (paraphrased/two different sentences put together)

Tommy says the video were for him, not everyone else. Makes a jab about Dream unable to use media literacy.

Tommy says Dream knows what he's talking about when he refers to misogyny. That there's so much more behind the scenes, that it's miserable.

Tommy says he doesn't want to do any of this anymore, that it's pointless. He says Youtube doesn't make him happy, that he doesn't fit in, and he wants to be done. He will still be posting to Youtube because he loves making videos, but he doesn't want to be part of the Youtube sphere/culture. He wants to be a proper comedian.

"I might as well go down sayin' what I fuckin' mean." -Tommy

brings up the "putting others down", Tommy reiterates how he's been very kind/warm to everyone, but if someone famous is being an asshole he's gonna make a joke about it. "That's what I've done with Logan, done to you, and what I'm going to continue to do."

Tommy calls him one of the most self indulgent and exhausting people he's ever met.

Brings up Dream calling him the internet police, he says that he's just sick of the bullshit. "When I see it, say it."

Tommy reiterates he can't do this much longer, that it's all pointless. Dream is just doing what he's been doing for years. He is not proud of dream and he doesn't respect him. Tells him straight to "Fuck off".

Tommy would talk to Jack, unsure if what was happening with Dream was odd/bad or not. He's a little relieved that it's in the public eye now.

Jack talks about how everyone on the server is talking against him, that no one is defending him. They've all known he's awful.

Tommy says he felt close to Dream, so he struggled with seeing the bad actions he had done. He felt skewed/manipulated.

Tommy tells a story about back when he was 14, he would annoy people in Hypixel by lobby spamming. One day he heads into a streamer's chat that he looked up to and said hello. the streamer, who was about 20 at the time, tore into him, calling him the R slur and many other horrible things. He said he felt heartbroken and shaken up. "Shit like this just happens along the way, and it's miserable, but like- for me, I just keep remindin' myself "this isn't the first time I've done this"."

Jack tried to make his disassociation as public as possible, he had told Dream to his face (during the allegations) in the DreamSMP discord that he did not want to be associated with him anymore.

Talks about how people still group DreamSMP members with Dream, and how they think every member is bad due to Dream's actions, and he's tired of it.

He doesn't like how public everything is, but he's glad people can finally see that they don't like Dream.

Tommy, from now on, is telling everyone how he feels. He's going to be blatant. (if that's what i understood from a comment he made)

Jack is still shocked that Dream chose that moment of all things to jump in. They have made comments here and there but Dream never said anything.

Jack talks about a part in his stream where he says something along the lines of "I'd understand this type of outburst if we had been bullying im for weeks and weeks. But we haven't been. Nor would that make it okay." And then someone on twitter said "Jack just admitted that they'd been bullying Dream non stop for weeks and he's proud of it!!!!" Jack says he can't believe people's ability to misinterpret.

Tommy saw Tubbo dissecting Dream's stream for 7 hours and knew that was the point it was becoming ridiculous.

Jack blatantly calls out how Dream uses manipulation tactics in how he speaks to the public. Tommy calls it painful for him to watch because it's what Dream had done to him and others in private.

Jack goes back to Dream's stream, talking about their phone call together, about how it was disingenuous and weird to bring up publicly. He says there are things he can't talk about publicly that formed his opinion.

"I just think he's like an impossibly self-indulgent, selfish man, who thinks everyone's on his own time." -Tommy

Jack thought Dream was purposefully being negligent in the way he would speak, and while he still is, he is seeing that a lot of it also comes from Dream not being able to pick up on social cues and norms. Though, he also reiterates that it doesn't excuse his awful behavior.

"I don't get how he can't listen to anyone else." -Tommy

Both of them have talked to Dream multiple times about how he acts and he never listens. Not even just them, they say "We all have really tried", which implies more members of the SMP or other personal friends.

"He doesn't seem to feel very much empathy for the pain he's caused, and if I was in his shoes- I don't know where his guilt is." -Tommy

They talk about his inability to apologize and how they can't understand it. Tommy gets a little heated. Dream has given them empty apologies and goes to do the same things again. They talk about how he doubles down over and over until no one sides with him, that's when he apologizes.

Jack calls Dream dismissive, and how its obvious that he doesn't care.

Tommy implores the audience to not imagine these dramas as Youtubers doing it, but to imagine their friends doing these things. Youtubers are not above others, there's no difference. The only difference is responsibility.

Jack points out how it's odd that they decide to post these things. It shows that they just double down on their awful actions.

Tommy ends by saying he doesn't want to continue this, but if there are things that need to be said then they will be, but on the Patreon.

Jack says he is done as well, that he's done with all his serious points, but he will be making jokes here and there. He won't be joking about rumors, but things that actually happened.

"Anyway, back to writing!" "Guys, let's all get back to coding."

[borderline-sanity]

GRWM as I ✨Wake Up with a Panic Attack✨

** None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.**

When it comes to the fight or flight instinct during panic attacks, I’m 100% a flight person.

I’ve dealt with panic attacks since high school and have been diagnosed with panic disorder. In high school I lived in constant fear of having an attack, which caused the attacks. It was all very cyclical. I have them less often now, but they still happen from time to time.

My go to method is to mix comforting and uncomfortable sensations and to overstimulate myself. I’ve tried deep breathing and relaxing music and the things that should logically help. But they always made me feel worse because I’m acknowledging the panic in such a head on fashion. I try to ground and overstimulate as many senses as I can, so I don’t have the energy or space to feel the panic anymore.

The initial terror, it’s going to happen. How fast you can pivot depends on the severity of the panic.

I tell myself I’m an expert in panic attack management. I have over 12 years of experience in the field and have worked tirelessly to perfect my methods. I have to convince myself I’m a pro at this, and have a 100% success rate of not imploding from anxiety. I narrate what I’m going to do and why it helps me specifically, basically what I’m doing here.

—-

My first stop is consistently my bathroom. I go through my bin of old lotions and pick a scent I have specially set aside for panic attacks. I use something that’s way too overpowering, but having something that smells bad to you is also an option. Sometimes I’ll use two different smells. The goal is to have a scent to ground you.

When I have a panic attack, my body fails at temperature regulation. Typically my feet are cold and clammy. So, I like to run some hot water in the tub and just stand in it for awhile. As I’m standing there, I apply whatever lotion or perfume I grabbed. Once my feet are warmed up, I get out of the tub and only sorta dry my feet. Then I put socks on my damp feet. Why? Because I hate the way it feels. And that harmless discomfort is going to distract me as I make my way to the next room.

I pick up a hoodie from the closet. Since I don’t know which way my temperature is going to flux, it’s nice to have on hand. I also have a big comfy shawl I use only during panic attacks.

I have to go down stairs to get to my kitchen. I take them really slow, especially with the damp sock situation. If I’m feeling too weak, I’ll just sit down and scoot down them. My instinct is flight, so staying in one room too long is no good. I usually feel safer being on the ground floor.

—-

Things might get messy in the kitchen, but that’s for future you to deal with. I used to keep a fresh lemon in the house at all times, but have moved away from that, opting for lemon juice. You can either bite into a lemon, or swish some lemon juice in your mouth and spit it out. A benefit of a fresh lemon is that it’s more messy. You’ll have lemon juice on your face and hands and that stickiness, at least for me, is an awful sensation.

You’re going to chase the lemon down with something else. I like to grab sour candy, like Warheads. But something like Pop Rocks also works. Picking an opposite flavor, like pudding or beef jerky is an option. You’re just trying to overload your tastebuds by making another harmless, but powerful distraction.

Alternatively, this step can be done when you’re in the bathroom. Swishing mouth wash and following it up with something sour is miserable. The face I make in the mirror is ridiculous and sometimes that’s enough to help soothe me.

—-

Like I said, I’m a flight person. So the next steps I either do pacing the house or on a treadmill. It just depends how steady my legs are feeling.

I grab my headphones, connected to my phone, and my tablet. I put the headphones on one ear and play music. The music is going to change every time. Sometimes you want something soothing, sometimes you want something loud. Sometimes you want music you love, sometimes you want music you hate. Having different playlists prepped helps you figure out what you’re in the mood for. I think one hit wonders are also a great option. There’s a familiarity and nostalgia that just hits the spot sometimes.

There are a few options for the tablet. You can put on a movie or tv show, and listen with your un-headphoned ear. I also like doing crossword puzzles or logic puzzles. It usually goes poorly, but I get so wrapped up in it. I’ve also found ‘Simon Says’ videos and follow those. Anything challenging and low stakes works here.

And this is where things usually begin to ease up. If my legs are too wobbly, I’ll just lie on the floor. Sometimes I go back to the lemon juice / sour candy. But eventually, my body is just exhausted and overstimulated. And there’s no more room for panic.

Once I feel myself winding down, I’ll get an electrolyte heavy drink. My go to is Pedialyte Zero Sugar packets but it doesn’t really matter what you use. I’ll have something light to eat if I feel up to it, usually just crackers.

When the panic has finally eases up and I feel safe again, I’m usually left exhausted. I fall asleep wherever I land, usually on the floor because it just feels nice and sturdy. When I wake up, I take care of any messes I left behind. And I drink more water.

—-

Important Notes and Additional Tactics:

Drink lots of water. Just have water dead drops everywhere.

Make it a point to keep yourself stocked up on supplies. Future you needs to restock supplies and put things back for next time.

Fidget toys are great and should also be in every room if possible. I like to use different ones depending on which room I’m in, just to keep up variety.

Ice cubes under the armpits or on the back of the neck are great. I guess anywhere works, I just find the cold distracting. As they melt, I’m left with water on my clothes. Similar to the damp socks, I hate this feeling.

My plant misting bottle stays in the kitchen and I’ll use it to spray my face or arms. Having glasses makes this more annoying, which is the goal.

I personally like to turn on as many lights as I can, but I understand this isn’t always possible.

Stepping outside can be helpful, just be mindful about it.

Reach out to people if that’s an option and you’re comfortable with it.

Walk through your routine when you aren’t in the middle of a panic attack. Developing this type of muscle memory helps you to be familiar and prepared. Remember, you’re the expert in panic attacks.

Take time to reflect on things. The day after a panic attack, I find a quiet place. I think back to everything I was feeling and who I was during the panic attack. And I talk to that past version of me and comfort her. Sometimes I find it easier to write it all out.

—-

I typed this while experiencing a panic attack. Usually I just narrate these things to myself. Recently, my older brother has started having attacks similar to mine. My hope is that sharing what I do to get myself through a panic attack will help at least one person. It is truly one of the most defeating and vulnerable experiences. I feel like I’ve lost so much time to my anxiety, I’d like to think I can help someone avoid the same struggles my younger self dealt with.

**None of this is medical advice, and is just a system I’ve worked on for myself. Everybody is different, everyone is in different circumstances.

[babymetaldoll]

BFF (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

Summary: Spencer meets his best friend from school after 12 years apart.  Requested: Yes, a million years ago... sorry for the delay!   Warnings: None. I don't even think I cursed.  Category: Hardcore fluff  A/N: Hey!! I'm still alive!  Masterlist

Spencer Reid knew he had fallen in love. It happened when he was just eight years old and his heart had never beat for another girl again, not the same way after he met her. (Y/N), his neighbor, three doors down the block.  

Never, and he was 24 years old already.

It all started on a random afternoon after school. 

- “You are such a nerd, Reid!”- Spencer heard a boy yelling as he shoved him down to the ground. Reid grabbed his glasses and made sure to keep them safe and in place, even when he was on the ground. The other kid, Lucas, was two years older, and for some other reason, that was nothing but kids being cruel, he had always treated Spencer like scum. And that day wasn’t the exception. 

- “Why are you so mean?”- Spencer whispered as he tried to stand up, but Lucas shoved him back to the ground, mocking him. 

- “Why are you so mean”- and the kid chuckled- “I don’t know, why are you such a baby?”

- “Didn’t your mom tell you you should never hit a kid wearing glasses?”- (Y/N) shouted as she stared at the scene from a safe distance, holding her bike. Spencer turned to look at her and for a moment, he thought what he was feeling was a panic attack. His heart kept beating faster and faster as he stared at the girl in awe.

- “Stay out of this, girl”- Lucas yelled and clenched his fist looking at little (Y/N). But she didn’t seem to be afraid. In fact, she left the bike on the ground and walked a few steps closer. 

- “Why are you calling me “girl” like it’s a bad thing?” 

Spencer looked at her with wide-open eyes. Sixteen years had passed since that day, but he could never forget the way she stood completely fearless in front of a bigger boy, and crossed her arms on her chest, almost daring him to reply. 

- “Why are you defending the nerd? Are you in love with him?”- Lucas teased and shoved the girl. But instead of tumbling or even falling, the girl moved faster and kicked him right in the balls. Lucas yelled and fell on the grass, crying in pain. (Y/N) quickly grabbed her bike and turned to Spencer. 

- “This is when you run!” 

He had never felt his heart skip a beat the way it did that day. He was only eight years old, and it never happened again. 

- “What’s your name?”- the girl asked when they reached her front porch, running away from danger. 

- “Spencer”- he whispered as he tried to catch his breath.

- “I’m (Y/N), do you want some juice?”

And just like that, Spencer Reid had a friend. He followed her into her house and froze when he saw two older kids, around Luca’s age, in the living room watching tv. 

- “Those are my brothers, you can ignore them. I do.”- she explained as she kept walking. 

- “So you finally made a friend or are you forcing the kid to hang out with you?”- one of them asked and the other chuckled. But (Y/N) didn’t reply. She walked straight to the fridge, grabbed two juice boxes and some cookies, and continued her way to the backyard. Spencer followed her closely, climbed to her treehouse with her, and shared a snack. 

That was the first of many afternoons they spent together. In the years to follow, (Y/N) and Spencer became best friends. It didn’t matter that he was already in high school by the time she was in middle school. He always took the time to help her with her homework and tutored her in math and chemistry. And she always got his back. Whenever there was a bully around, an asshole making him miserable, or anyone trying to make fun of Spencer, she was there. Kicking ass. 

Kids in school would make fun of them, telling them she was his bodyguard, his guard dog. Someone even drew them in the gym locker room. Spencer was a bunny and (Y/N) was a wolf. It was supposed to make them mad, but they didn’t care. They had their own bubble, their world. And they loved it there. 

Until Spencer had to go. They were twelve, and Spencer had already graduated from high school. Caltech was waiting for him. 

(Y/N) stood by the car as Diana loaded a few boxes. They had to move to Pasadena, and even though neither of them said a thing about their feelings, it was clearly heartbreaking for the two of them.   

- “You are not gonna cry, are you?”- she joked as Spencer tightened his jaw and cleaned his glasses with his shirt. He didn’t reply, he was in fact, fighting the tears back. 

- “Who is gonna save your ass whenever you are in trouble now?”- (Y/N) asked and punched Spencer’s arm softly- “I should have taught you how to fight. You could have a black belt by now.” 

- “Did you know the best age to start martial arts class with a good balance of discipline and commitment is from eight to twelve-year-old?”- Spencer blurted facts because that was the only thing that made him feel safe. 

- “Well, make sure you take a self-defense course in Caltech or whatever. Don’t let anyone kick your ass”- she added and he friend just nodded. They stared in silence for a moment, until Diana called her son, ready to go. 

- “So… see you around?”- (Y/N) simply said and Spencer nodded. 

- “Can I write to you?”

- “Sure! can I send you my homework, so you can do it for me?”- both of them chuckled. Spencer wanted to hug her, but even after all those years, he still didn’t feel comfortable enough to do it. So he just waved, and she waved back, and before he could comprehend what was happening, he was in a car with his mom, driving from his home to a new destination.     

- “I’m gonna miss you.”- (Y/N) whipped off the tears from her eyes as she stood in the middle of the sidewalk staring at the car. She didn’t know why she couldn’t just tell her best friend those words instead of making fun of him, but she figured she didn’t want him to think she was weak. He made her feel that way. Weak. Soft. Giddy. Nervous. 

She had a crush on him, obviously. No wonder why she had spent over four years defending him from every bully in school. She never told him, though. She felt so stupid, so silly, and so freaking girly, she couldn’t stand it. So she locked her feelings, hid them underneath thousand sarcastic, witty comments    

- “Bye, (Y/N)”- Spencer whispered, staring at her through the rearview mirror, as tears kept falling from his eyes. He knew his heart was breaking, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

Skip twelve years, and Spencer still cherished every letter he had shared with (Y/N). They had long stopped writing to each other, but he always wanted to find her again. He missed her, like a part of his life that had been ripped from his chest, from his fingers. From his heart. But life was now filled with chaos. He worked at the BAU, he chased serial killers for a living. He didn’t have time for his personal life. He only had time for work. 

- “Local police department asked us to assist on a case”- Hotch announced early that morning at the briefing meeting of the team. Spencer looked at the Unit Chief and nodded, taking notes on the case they had to help with. They had worked with the local police a bunch of times, and so far it had been a good experience. 

- “I heard there is a new Sergeant in that department.”- Morgan comments as he drove with Spencer to the city police office - “As far as I know, she is very young but severe. Some of the officials said they were scared of her.” 

- “Most men are threatened by female bosses.”- Spencer replied, reading the case file for the fifth time during the trip. He didn’t take his eyes off the paper as he added - “A study indicates that women in positions of authority meet with more resistance in their interactions with male employees because those men perceive female bosses as a threat to their masculinity.”

- “And how would you deal with a female boss? Can you picture a woman as Unit Chief?”- Derek was just teasing his friend, mostly ‘cos he was bored.  

- “I don’t feel threatened by women.”- Spencer nearly stuttered as he replied, which made his words considerably unbelievable. 

- “Yeah, that’s not what I remember from the last time you talked with a woman.”- Morgan just chuckled and shook his head. 

- “Shut up.” 

Hotch, Gideon, Elle, Morgan, and Spencer walked into the police station. The Unit Chief and Gideon headed straight to the chief’s office, and the rest of the team waited in the bullpen. Most of the officers were there, doing paperwork, nothing out of the ordinary. Until one voice captured Spencer’s attention. 

- “How many times do I have to tell you, Smith? You can’t make that kind of desitions on your own? What if someone got hurt again?”- (Y/N) was scolding a young official, who glued his eyes to the floor, embarrassed. - “Now go before you get another suspension.” 

- “(Y/N)?”- Spencer whispered and turned to her. He was beyond shocked, not even in his wildest dreams he thought he would see her again. 

- “It’s Sergeant (Y/L/N).”- (Y/N) corrected and looked at the young agent. And for a moment, she forgot where she was. She opened her mouth, but not even one word came from her lips. There he was, her first love, looking cuter than ever. 

- “Hi.”- Reid mumbled and waved. She stood in the middle of the police office and simply stared at him in silence. 

No one understood what was going on. Morgan looked at Elle, who just shrugged. Everybody at that office was confused. The officials had never seen their Sergeant being emotional, and it was clear she was having a moment, right there in front of everybody.  

Suddenly, (Y/N) took a step closer to Reid, and then another, until she stood right in front of him and wrapped his arms around his neck. He moved immediately and hugged her tight. That was the very first time they hugged. 

- “Are you really here?”- she whispered and giggled, moving from him and staring t him with a big smile - “Is it really you, Spencer Walter Reid?”

- “Walter?”- Elle tried not to laugh and looked at Morgan, who seemed to be trying not to laugh as well. 

- “When did you move to DC?”- Spencer asked, staring at his best friend, neither of them moving from each other’s embrace. 

- “Last month! How long have you been here?”

- “Two years. I lost track of you after Caltech. I missed you.”- Spencer confessed right away, and (Y/N) nodded. 

- “Me too… and what are you doing here?” 

- “The team was called to collaborate on a case.” 

- “You are with the FBI?”- (Y/N) wide opened her eyes, surprised- “Look at you, Smarty.” 

- “Reid.”- Hotch interrupted their reunion and took them back to reality in a second. (Y/N) let Spencer go immediately and stood straight. 

- “Nice to meet you. Seargent (Y/L/N).”- (Y/N) extended her hand to Hotch, who shook it right away.- “The Chief told us you were coming to help with the case. Thank you for your time.”

- “(Y/N) is my best friend from school.”- Spencer explained to Hotch, and the team because they were all carefully listening. 

- “Nice to meet you. I was just talking with the Chief, we are meeting at the briefing room now.” 

Both (Y/N) and Spencer nodded and started walking, following the team. They had to make a major effort to focus on work. Neither of them could take their eyes off each other. Spencer kept smiling the whole time and looking at his best friend in adoration. Meanwhile, (Y/N) tried her best to remain calm. She felt exactly as she did when she was twelve. Her defense was down, Spencer made her feel weak and in love. Who knew first crushes could last that long? 

By the end of the day, a team of police officials plus Morgan, Elle, and Hotch had gone after the unsub. Spencer, and (Y/N) remained at the station, along with the Chief and Gideon. 

- “I still can’t believe you are here.”- Spencer whispered and looked at (Y/N), as the two of them stood in the middle of the kitchenette, getting another cup of coffee. 

- “Me neither.” 

- “I have so much to tell you. How are your brothers?” 

- “Married and with kids. I still can’t believe they are responsible grown-ups.” 

- “I might need proof to believe that as well.”- Reid smiled and (Y/N) chuckled at his words- “My mom still remembers you.” 

- “How is she? I miss her classes and her reading sessions.”- Spencer opened his mouth to reply, but Gideon interrupted him. 

- “They got him, we are ready to go.”- Reid nodded and turned to (Y/N), who sighed and cut him a short smile. 

- “At what time does your shift end?”- the young agent asked her.

- “Two and a half hours ago, yours?”- she replied with a soft chuckle. 

- “I think I am free now… do you want a better quality coffee?”- both of them smiled and looked at the mugs. 

- “And maybe something to eat. I’m starving.” 

- “Are you still a fan of Mexican food?”- Spencer asked and (Y/N) could barely hide the blush on her cheeks.

- “You still remember that?”

- “I remember everything.”

Reid and (Y/N) walked around after dinner. They had spent their time catching up with everything they had done since the last letter they had shared. He told her about college, his master's degrees, and PhDs. She told him about how she became a sergeant at such young age, and how she ended up in Washington DC. 

They walked arm in arm under the starry sky, like time hadn’t passed by. They talked about everything they might think of. But there was one question Spencer needed to ask her before the night was finished.  

- “I sent you so many letters after Caltech, but they all came back. They said “Not at this address”. Why didn’t you tell me you were moving?” 

And that was the one question (Y/N) wasn’t longing to reply. 

- “You were my best friend. My only friend and you disappeared. Why?”- Spencer stopped walking and looked at (Y/N). She sighed and bit her lips, trying to find the right words to explain her truth. It was hard, and she had tried her best to avoid it for too long. But if life had put Spencer back in her path, she couldn’t escape anymore. 

- “I’m sorry I hurt you, Spencer.”- she whispered and took a few seconds before she added - “That wasn’t my intention.” 

- “Then why did you disappear?” 

- “I needed some distance”- she tried to explain, but Spencer frowned. 

- “You and your family had moved to New York, I was in Los Angeles. We hadn’t seen each other in years. That wasn’t enough distance to you?”- (Y/N) had never heard Spencer raise his voice, but to be fair, they hadn’t talked about their feelings ever before. 

- “I needed to get over you!”- she murmured and bit her lips one more time, obviously nervous about his reaction. She was trying to be honest. - “I couldn’t continue in love with my best friend forever. I had to move on! I was already eighteen and I never even had a date, ‘cos I was waiting for you.” 

Spencer stared at her in shock. Of all the answers he thought he might get, that was not the one he imagined. He thought she was bored of him and grew tired of his letters. That she had more interesting things to do with her life than talking with a pen pal. 

(Y/N) sighed, relieved to take that from her chest, but scared of Spencer’s answer. She stared at him for a few seconds, but he didn’t react. So, she continued walking and slowly left him behind. 

Spencer tried to connect all that info, but he couldn’t believe it. He stared at her back as she walked and called out her name, jogging. 

- “(Y/N), wait.” 

- “No Spencer, it’s ok. You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry I was so immature and hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t… I am so sorry.”- she blurted out and kept looking at her feet as she spoke. 

- “Don’t be.”- the young SSA whispered and held her hands. She raised his eyes and stared into his. She could still see the same sweet kid she had met at eight years old. - “I am sorry I never told you how I felt either. I was just so scared to lose you, and I lost you anyway.”

The two of them stayed in silence, processing what had just happened. Neither of them moved. Neither of them knew what to say next. So they just stood in silence for a few minutes, Spencer kept holding her hands the entire time, slowly and carefully caressing her fingers. 

- “So… what now?”- she finally whispered and Spencer sighed. 

- “Would… you… like… going out on a date with me?”- he asked and (Y/N) was unable to control the smile on her face. 

- “Are you serious? What did we just have? Dinner and ice cream count as a date.”- she teased him and Spencer blushed immediately.  

- “Ok, would you like to go on another date with me?” 

- “I would love to.”- she replied and started walking again, this time hand in hand with Spencer. He chuckled and stared at her from time to time. 

- “What is it?”- (Y/N) asked, knowing he was looking at her. Spencer chucked again and stopped walking. 

- “If this was a date…”- but he couldn’t finish his question, ‘cos (Y/N) held his face with both hands and kissed him. It was short and childish, and both of them seemed shocked after they parted. 

- “... I was wondering if I could walk you home?”- Spencer finished asking, and (Y/N) closed her eyes embarrassed, and even held her breath. 

- “Sorry… I thought you were….”- but this time, she couldn’t finish talking ‘cos Spencer held her face and kissed her. But that kiss was neither short nor childish. It was sweet and slow. Spencer kept rubbing his lips against hers, making her feel the entire world had stopped spinning. 

- “Sorry… I couldn’t help myself.”- he whispered as he moved his lips from hers, still cupping her cheeks with both hands. 

- “It’s ok.”- she managed to murmur as she giggled. - “I wanted to kiss you since we were twelve years old.” 

- “Me too.”- he confessed and looked at her blushy cheeks, knowing he looked the same.

- “So, are you gonna walk me home?”- (Y/N) asked and felt Spencer hold her hand as they started walking again. He intertwined his fingers with her and turned to her for a second as they started talking again. He knew this time he wasn’t going to let her go.  

Taglist General @spenxerslut @ash19871962 @muffin-cup @cynbx @meowiemari

Taglist Spencer @calm-and-doctor @malboroniights @lovejules888

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Yandere Manager

Managers can teeter on the edge of being the most helpful and supportive authorities in your life or the worst. More often leaning toward the latter, it isn’t bizarre to feel helpless when they put a strain on your paycheck or your general health during and outside the work day. It’s infuriating and downright despairful when they use the power of management to make you miserable. But you can always file a report to HR or the branch head. Sometimes it’ll work but not always. More likely than not there’s more support for them further down the line which makes it even harder to contest. 

“(Y/n) didn’t I tell you to smile when you’re at the front? S-M-I-L-E!”

But there’s something just as alarming about the manager who doesn’t have that. No favor from directors, open to the reprimands of human resources, and even a criminal record to boot. There’s something that compels you to listen when you look for an ounce of sympathy in those amber eyes to find a tempest of unhinged madness. You can only begin to visualize in a fever-driven nightmare. 

That’s your manager. 

The lovely, awful, and disastrous manager that fills you with helplessness like no other. 

Yandere Manager is just so naggy. Not only to you but your coworkers as well because there’s always something to comment on. Even when it’s not insulting or condescending it just rubs everyone the wrong way. 

“The way the uniform looks on you makes it look like we dragged you off the street.”

“....”

“....You’re the one who gave her a uniform that isn’t her size.”

“Yeah, but she’s the one who looks homeless. (Y/n) how about you mind your business and actually do your job. Thanks!” 

Yandere Manager is especially unpredictable in his support of you. Sometimes joining unruly customers when they blame you for something you messed up on. While also defending you over something small that didn’t require anyone’s input let alone his. Situations with entitled customers is a coin toss with him.

“Miss I’ll just remake the drink for you.”

“No no, you don’t have to I just want to know what was used instead of oat milk.”

“Oh okay then it's…Mr. Manager?”

“....YOU!?”

“Me?”

“Oh no.”

“NEVER WALK INTO MY ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”

“What why? I didn’t–”

“IF YOU REFUSE TO LEAVE I’LL HAVE TO REMOVE YOU BY FORCE.”

“Ahhh!”

“Wait! You don’t need the crossbow! Put it down!”

“DON��T EVER SPEAK TO MY EMPLOYEE EVER AGAIN!”

You can hardly pinpoint a pattern to his discord even after his honest confession when you catch him rifling through your things. But he won’t explain why he steals your lunch or makes fun of you in front of your coworkers. Or why he slashes your tires and breaks the windows of your home. It gets so bad you’re starting to think he uses this supposed obsession as an excuse for his behavior.

“Will you please explain why you broke into my car…for the fourth time?”

“Hmmm no.”

“...fine don’t. Now get out.”

“No I don’t think I will.”

“I have pepper spray and a tasor.”

“I can handle pepper spray.”

~Kzzt~

“Okay fine, you win this time.”

But despite your suspicions, he’s very much obsessed. Convinced he’s owed your affections he doesn’t mind breaking into your home, invading your personal space, and making light fun-as lovers do. No, his more sporadic actions happen to be something like knee-jerk reactions of his love for you. Similar to cuteness aggression. Because in his mind he’d prefer to break another window of yours than murder the family next door for looking at you too long. 

“This will have to do for now. I mean they can’t pin me for their carelessness when driving into a ditch, right?”

Usually, he doesn’t mind just doing whatever he feels like but since you’ve caught and called the police on him he’s on a tight leash. Not because he’s at all afraid of the police. Not at all. It’s because then he’ll be breaking the hold he has on you. Let me explain.

The minute he did the slightest thing out of line you called the higher-ups who threatened him and assured you he’d be fired. Great. But when he cornered you in your own home with the possibility that this wouldn’t stop when he was fired you had to pause.

“Sure you might get rid of me at work but then you’ll never know where I am. Instead of staying at work with you, I might just be in your room or at your friend’s house, or in your car!”

“T-t-then I’ll call the police on you!”

“After I’ve already left? Well sure they can serve an order and arrest me if I’m too close but when I break out–and trust me I will–you’ll have no idea when or where I’ll be coming from. I’ll be a constant boogeyman over your life if you kick me out now.”

“.....”

“So don’t get me fired, kay?”

Yandere Manager who is only given a warning by his employers and police before you stop attempting to get others involved. As much as you hate to admit it, he’s completely right. For all the times you find him breaking in, already broken in, or stealing something of yours he’s never lied to you. The same can’t be said for others but even when he’s doing something wrong he’ll always be honest with you. 

“Mister Manager? Did you do something to my lunch?”

“No! How dare you accuse me of such a deplorable thing! I should write you up.”

“....(Y/n)?”

“Clyde.”

“What?”

“Did you mess with his food?”

“Yes.”

“Dude are you serious?!” 

Life with Yandere Manager isn’t going to be easy at first but when has it ever been for an employee like yourself? It’s best that you get used to your Manager’s obsession, heck it might help make your grueling shift a little bit better.

[star-liit]

I'm almost afraid to ask, but... when are we going to acknowledge that there’s no actual evidence Sirius Black was physically abused in canon?

It’s become so common in fan spaces to treat it like an indisputable fact that Walburga and Orion were regularly using Crucio on their teenage son - as if that wouldn’t have literally landed them both in Azkaban for life.

Yes, I understand that abusive people don’t care about legality - but the level of violence some fanon depictions of the Blacks reach is so extreme, it starts to feel disconnected from the characters entirely. We're not just talking about toxic parenting anymore - we’re talking about full-blown war crimes happening in a family home.

It doesn’t always sit right with me as a survivor of abuse myself - this unspoken implication that the only kind of abuse that really "counts" is physical abuse. That unless Sirius was tortured to the brink of death, the trauma he endured doesn’t feel valid enough to explore. As if emotional abuse isn’t already damaging, isolating, and deeply formative.

Canon gives us plenty to work with.

Sirius calls his family unpleasant and describes being seen as the "bad" son for rejecting their ideals, while Regulus was the "perfect" one - classic emotional abuse: scapegoat vs golden child. He talks about his home as being dark and miserable, and he actively rebelled against his parent's pureblood beliefs just to spite them.

This all clearly points to psychological abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect - but there’s no mention of physical abuse, and there doesn't need to be.

Walburga, especially, is a textbook example of a verbally and psychologically abusive parent - the way her portrait rages with such intensity, the language she uses, the way she made Sirius feel othered and lesser. That’s already serious trauma.

If the physical abuse is part of your headcanon - go for it.

Ultimately, this is fiction - it’s a sandbox, and everyone should feel free to build the version of the story that speaks to them. Honestly, I think it’s totally plausible that there was some element of physical abuse involved, and I’ve written Sirius that way myself, more than once. I will again - I completely understand why some people love the idea of Sirius falling out of the Potters' fireplace half-dead.

But that's just one possibility.

When that headcanon becomes so dominant in fandom spaces that any deviation from it is met with resistance - that's when it becomes slightly frustrating. Especially in roleplay, where that collaborative, "yes, and…" approach is key to keeping a scene alive. If tortured!Sirius is the only headcanon people are willing to engage with, it makes it nearly impossible to explore different dynamics, motivations, or emotional arcs.

The dominance of that headcanon doesn’t just flatten his story - it shuts down the nuance of the entire Black family dynamic. If we take it as given that Walburga and Orion were literally torturing their son, then how do we make sense of Regulus staying? How do we explore complex family loyalties, internalised ideology, or the slow erosion of self that happens in environments like that? It reduces the entire family to caricature, and removes any space to write meaningful conflict, guilt, or generational trauma.

The truth is, the Blacks were awful - but they were also interesting. Shades of grey exist, and fiction is a perfectly safe place to explore that. Sirius himself summed this up with "...the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters..." and it would be incredibly dull if things were so black and white.

Sirius, canonically, pushed back. He rebelled. He resisted. His bedroom alone tells you everything you need to know about who he was and what he was up against. That kind of defiance in the face of psychological control, suffocating expectations, and constant verbal degradation is real. It is damaging. It is abuse.

We don’t need to crank it up to cartoon villain levels of torture to take it seriously.

I think it’s important to remember that the Blacks were oppressive bigots hiding behind respectability - not open criminals. Walburga and Orion didn’t join the Death Eaters; they just quietly subscribed to the same hateful ideology. And honestly, that’s what makes them so terrifying. It’s also part of what cost them Regulus - but that’s a rant for another day.

They weren’t the type to take bold, visible action, even in support of the cause they believed in. So the idea that they were secretly committing acts of illegal, mind-destroying torture on their own children should be a huge leap - a leap which, in my opinion, should be considered an AU, rather a widely accepted fact.

Anyway - live and let live, it's fiction, none of it really matters anyway.

[wisterialagoon]

Alastor x Reader - Comfort Fic

Warnings: established relationship, probably ooc alastor, comfort, reader is grabbed (not by alastor) reader curses :P

Btw! Please do send in Hazbin requests, I do sfw and nsfw :)

You had been having a miserable day. You woke up in a sour mood, but the feeling only worsened when you realised you had woken up in bed alone.

Presumably your husband had left early to head to his broadcast studio. You then had several run-ins with the most insufferable sinners throughout your day, but this, this was ridiculous.

You had been standing in the lobby, by the check-in desk trying not to burst into stress tears as a rather tall intimidating demon stood there screaming his lungs out at you.

"I already told you sir, I cant get you a room unless you want to be redeemed, this isn't a normal hotel," you stress to the demon before you.

He unfortunately doesn't take the refusal well, gripping the collar of your favourite dress, ripping it slightly.

The demon has you in a strong hold pulling his face right up to yours, you grimace at his breath brushing your face. Your feet barely reaching the floor anymore.

"Sir you need to let go of me now!" you damn near shriek in fury. The commotion catches the attention of a few of the hotels residents, the demon finally drops you when he realises he's drawn a crowd, opting to leave before things went south for him.

"Y/N!" You hear Charlie's panicked yell as she comes up to you, helping you to your feet, "Are you okay? D-do you need anything, I'll have Vaggie deal with that demon don't worry!"

"Its alright Charlie," You steady yourself, taking a deep breath, "just give me the rest of the afternoon off, yeah?"

"Of course, please, go rest."

With that you head off to your room, you pull off your dress and get into your night gown. You inspect the collar of your dress to see it in tatters, this unfortunately was your tipping point.

You're now sitting in the middle of the bed crying your eyes out, clutching your dress. You're so in your feelings, you don't even notice Alastor has slipped in until hes sitting next to you and pulling you into his arms.

You still for a moment but ease into the embrace, soaking his shirt in your tears.

When you had calmed down a bit Alastor cups your face, making you look into his eyes, "Charlie told me what happened my dear, I do wonder why you didn't make that wretched sinner pay, hmm? You're more than capable." He tilts his head, a questioning look in his eyes.

"I didn't want to cause a scene and bring a bad reputation to the hotel, sinners should want to come here," you sniffle.

"Au contraire my dear, you shouldn't be afraid to kill those that wrong you, if demons fear you, it keeps them in their place! Anyhow, what's done is done, I'm more concerned with the fact that my, usually very dauntless wife is crying all on her own." Alastor taps your nose gently.

"Bad day, bad, terrible, awful day Al," tears begin to flood your eyes again just thinking about it.

Alastor chuchles softly as he pulls you to straddle his lap, softly running his fingers through your hair. "Oh you poor sweet thing," He listens carefully as you recount your day to him.

"And to top it off, t-that dickless bastard tore my favourite dress" you finish, words getting caught between your sobs.

"Oh don't you worry your pretty little head about that, I'll have it mended in a jiff, instead, worry about what you'll wear Tonight!"

You look up at him curiously, "Tonight?"

"Well of course I'm treating you to a perfect night out, I can't in good conscious let my sweet wife wallow in her sadness all night can I?"

You perk up at this. Your husband is a busy demon, its not often you get him all to yourself. "The whole night?" you say with big eyes.

"You'll have my complete undivided attention all night long my dear!"

You jump up at this, racing to find an outfit all while Alastor happily watches you showing him different dresses, shoes and jewellery.

He makes a mental note to quickly pop out and find the demon that laid his hands on you, Vaggie was so kind as to provide him with a description.

[elvensorceress]

sunday snippet

tagging beloveds @tizniz @hippolotamus @sofa-king-lame @livinginsunnyhell @capseycartwright @eddiebabygirldiaz @spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @daffi-990 @fiona-fififi @thekristen999 @thelikesofus @buddiegriefhookup @buckleydiaz @eddiediazisascorpio @jeeyunspetrat @bekkachaos @sazanahashi @kejfeblintz @inell @monsterrae1 @dangerpronebuddie @smilingbuckley if any of you want to share something np 💕

from the almost final chapter of my Eddie in El Paso fic that I just posted yay!

“Mom, I don’t understand. Why are you bringing this up? You’ve been telling me— threatening me with lawyers and asking me to sign papers to give up my son. You keep telling me to think about Chris and what he needs and that’s all I do.”

She shakes her head and sighs like he’s wrong. “You don’t even see it. I’m sorry, honey. It’s not your fault that girl ruined you. Of course you were going to be tempted. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to think about it.”

That girl? Shannon, he assumes. There’s not been any other “girl.” Not really. They were all shades of the original. “Shannon didn’t ruin me, Mom. And none of that matters now. She’s gone. She’s been gone for six years. This isn’t about her. She’s not—”

“Isn’t she the reason you hurt Christopher? Isn’t that why he left you and can’t be around you?”

Words and breath die in Eddie’s chest. 

Yes. That’s why. Something like that. 

But he won’t ever do that again. He will never choose anything but Chris. 

Except. Doesn’t Chris need Eddie to also choose himself? Isn’t that part of why Chris is hurt and angry? If Eddie relies on only Chris for his happiness, then it burdens his son. Then he never has a life of his own. Then he makes bad, thoughtless choices and pushes aside what he actually wants. And he gets stuck in a DOA relationship that he doesn’t want to be in because he’s so desperate to be happy and healed and “moved on” and not alone that all he does is lie and pretend. Which makes Chris even more angry because Eddie is being nothing but fake (toxic) and Chris has to know that it’s miserable. Eddie’s a good liar but Chris knows him better than the lies. 

And Eddie doesn’t want to lie anymore. He’s happy. He could be so happy. He has someone who loves him and knows him and it’s so comfortable and wonderful and he’s never felt anything like what he feels when he’s with Buck. Buck is joy. Pure, unadulterated love and joy. 

“I’m not going to do that again,” Eddie tells her. “It’s over. I should’ve realized that a long time ago. But I get it now. I know I screwed up.” But he learned better. He learned what a committed loving relationship actually is like. He learned what real love is. “She’s not a ghost hanging over me anymore. I moved on. For real this time. And I have made something of myself. I help people. That’s what I do. Every day. The house is in progress, I bought it to work on. How have I ‘fallen’? Why do you want to take Chris from me? What are we talking about here?”

She clenches her jaw and breathes slowly. 

She’s never angry. She never shows any— does she? No, she tells Eddie’s dad about whatever makes her upset so he’ll yell at Eddie for hours. His mom never gets angry. She’s never anything out of place. 

“Honey, you’re confused. This always happens to you, and you don’t even realize.” She lightly rubs his arms and it feels like itching, crawling insects and awfulness. “I want what’s best for you and Christopher. I only want to protect you both. Let’s get your things, whatever you need, let’s go home.” 

[justastraymoa]

HOW DID YOU LOSE MY CAT?

I was in a complete state of panic and three thousand miles from home, unable to do anything to help the situation at hand.

"How did you lose Cheese?” I wheezed into the phone trying to calm my breathing and thoughts enough to focus on the problem at hand.

Its really my fault. I made the mistake of trusting a neighbor to watch my precious baby boy while I was on a week long work trip. The trip was mandatory and last minute so I had no choice.

I just moved a couple months ago and with the new job and settling into the new apartment I hadn’t had time to really get to know the neighborhood or the neighbors. Still, the middle aged man across the way seemed nice enough the few times we chatted and he agreed to go feed Cheese twice a day.

He didn’t give updates unless I specifically asked for them, but beggers couldn’t be choosers and I had no choice but to go on this last minute trip.

"Its not my fault. He bolted when I opened the door.” Luo responded. I could practically hear the shrug over the phone.

"Well did you go after him?” I pressed. Honestly I felt like I was pulling teeth here. The man took responsibility for my cat by agreeing to take care of him for the week, the least he could do was feel bad for losing him.

There was a drawn out dismissing noise on the other end of the line. “Not really. I followed him to the stairs but he was gone by the time I got to them.”

I clenched my fist and nearly bit my tongue off. I wanted to yell and scream at the man for not caring even a little bit about my loved one! “Can you go out and look for him or put up posters or something?” I asked. Surely this was not too much of an ask. It was the bare minimum someone in this position could do!

"Ill put a bowl of food out for him, but I don’t have time to wander around town looking for a cat. Just get another one when you get back if he doesn’t show up. There are shelters full of them I am sure.”

I stood in my hotel room in angry shock. How could this asshole say that to me mere minutes after learning my pet ran off to god knows where! How heartless!

"Listen, I have to go. Ill let you know if he shows up.” The line clicked and I looked at the screen to see my own reflection staring wide eyed back at me in the black screen.

I looked around the room, thinking through my options. I was the lead in this meeting and no one else could present like I could. Even if someone could take over for me, I am the only one on this trip from my company who knows most of this information. There was no way anyone could answer any of the questions the others were sure to ask. And I was still too new at the company to risk a bad review or ask for any favors.

Bottom line. I was stuck here while my baby was out on the streets thousands of miles away doing god knows what. He could be hurt or worse! He was an all black cat and there were some sick people out there who would see that and use him for some awful purposes and do unspeakable things to him!

There was no way I was going to be able to sleep for the rest of this awful trip! And I still had to look and act presentable! Five days of not knowing what was happening to my Cheese! Why did I think this job was a good idea. I was perfectly fine where I was. In my cozy little hometown working at the local grocer on the weekends and the tiny doctors office the rest of the week.

Sure my knowledge and degree were being wasted there, and I was miserable at both jobs. But I knew everyone there and was known back. And people cared about each other there. Everyone knew Cheese and would have turned the town upside down to try and find him the moment he got out the door. Not that he ever even tried to get out with me. He is mischievous, sure, but he had never once tried to escape. But no, I got the opportunity to work my dream job in a big city hours from home and I thought it was perfect.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe Cheese would come back for dinner in a couple hours and this whole nightmare could be over.

A text message the next morning from Luo stated that the food bowl he put out had not been touched.

I went about my day as best I could. I noticed some odd stares and several of the other people asked if I was okay because I was being quieter than usual. I was honest with them as much as I could be without being annoying and whiny. They were appropriately sympathetic, but of course could not or did not offer any solutions.

As I sat at a dinner with a whole group of people I only just met for this trip my phone pinged with a new message. After a quick glance I excused myself and almost ran to the bathroom.

I quickly texted everyone I could to see if anyone was available to go pick up Cheese from his savior and cat sit for me for the rest my trip.

Parents were immediately a no. Dad got hurt trying to clean the gutters by himself and mom was stuck waiting on him and making sure that he actually rested and took his medications properly.

BFF was also a no. She was on a vacation with her new boytoy out on some beach somewhere with perfect sunsets and white sand. I’m a little jealous not gunna lie.

I wracked my brain for any other options on people. Luo was obviously a hard no. Forever. I would not trust that man to borrow a cup of sugar from now on.

At least Cheese seemed to be okay. And he found himself a friendly household. In the pictures this Bangchan sent Cheese looked happy and healthy. No visible injuries, and Bangchan said he didn’t see any either. He even has a cat loving roommate. So Cheese would be okay for a little while until I could figure out someone who could go get him.

I felt really guilty for sticking my cat on some strangers who already had gone above and beyond for both him and me. But Bangchan seemed adamant, and I knew Cheese would be okay with them.

I need to go out and get something for them. A gift or souvenir or something to show my appreciation. That’s how I would spend my evening to occupy my time and brain from the guilt and missing my boy.

Okay so me and Lino are going to get along amazing I can already tell.

First he sent me a pic of my boy without even me asking first. An actual update without having to ask for one!

Second, Bangchan was not lying. He is a cat lover through and through.

Lino:

'I have happily sacrificed half my bed for Cheese.��

A new picture of Cheese and him all cuddled together on what looked like a very large bed soon followed the message.

I laughed to myself.

Me:

'Don’t let him hog the bed too much. He likes to shove me off the side occasionally.’

My bed was a queen, and I only upgraded to that size because of Cheese. My full size was just not big enough for both of us. He liked to touch you when sleeping, and he will physically use all 4 paws to push you until you are on the very edge of the mattress.

Lino:

‘its far too late for that. I happily give it up though to be honest. And he snores! It’s the cutest thing I have ever heard in my entire life! I recorded it.’

Then a recording came through, the first time I was hearing my baby boy in days. I nearly burst into tears, as it was my eyes stung. I saved the recording and set it to my message tone so I could listen to it anytime I got a text.

Me:

'Thank you so much for sending me that you have no idea how much I miss him'

'I was so worried when he got out and my neighbor didn’t even care!

Lino:

'I understand somewhat. I have three boys at my parents house that I miss so much.'

A picture of three adorable cats followed all labeled with their names.

Me:

'Aww they are so cute!'

Bin is allergic to cats! The guilt is back full force and more! Not only did I stick my cat on some strangers for 3 days, but one of them is ALLERGIC!

I truly am an awful person. I need to go out and get more thank you gifts for them. There is no way I have enough.

Much later as I was getting ready to head to bed I got a videocall from the latest of Bangchans roommates. I answered a little leery about video calling someone I only just messaged for the first time a couple hours ago.

I tried not to react to the absolute cuteness that greeted me on the other end of the call. Not only was Cheese there, but Bin was a cutie himself. Cheese was curled up on his chest as he lounged on what looked like a couch.

“I know its strange that I am calling you when we haven’t even met.” Bin started cheeks turning a little pink. On the screen I could see him absent mindedly stroking down the length of Cheeses back over and over.

I melted inside. “its not a problem. Is something wrong? I truly am sorry you are stuck with Cheese when you are allergic. I feel really bad!”

“Actually that’s why I called. I don’t want you to feel bad. I would tell you if it was a problem, I promise. But he doesn’t seem to be triggering my allergies much.” Bin shrugged and Cheese chirped in annoyance at being jostled.

I sighed as I curled up on my bed. “If you are sure. I can still try and find someone to come get him.” I offered. It may be easier to get mom to come out if it was only for tonight and tomorrow. I was due back the day after that in early morning. I could probably convince her if I begged and pestered enough.

“No no don’t. I am enjoying him. He is a little heater! Feels good after a long workout.”

We chatted with no real conversation for a good half hour more, which kinda shocked me. I wasn’t one to be super sociable. And I didn’t even really know this person. He was just sweet and really easy to talk to.

Hyune, the fourth roommate, made me realize that I hadn’t told anyone my name. It didn’t even occur to me to. I was so focused on Cheese and that whole situation. Even if he asked for it in kind of a rude way. Who asks for a name without giving one first??

AND HE WAS A DOG PERSON!

My poor Cheese is stuck with a dog person! The horror! Its downright wrong! Im a bad pet parent!

Still, it felt really good to be so easily folded into their conversations and bantering like they did. And they don’t seem to mind when I banter back with them. It feels like it used to when I lived in my hometown. Friendly.

I was going to be home tomorrow. Finally sleeping in my own bed with my baby in my arms!

And I could shower in my own shower and cook actual food on a stove and not have to go out for every meal!

I missed home. I missed Cheese.

There were tears, though I didn’t point them out to either Lino or Bin. I just politely ignored their sniffles and quick swiped across their cheeks.

It warmed my heart to know that they liked Cheese so much. He was the best cat ever, so im not shocked. But it makes me feel better since they watched him for me for several days.

I didn’t stay at the Bangchan apartment long. I was exhausted from the flight and week long travel, and I think the boys could see that as well so they didn’t push.

I gave them the several bags of gifts. Everything from keychains to food. Anything I could find that I thought suited the situation.

Hyune and Bin snatched the bags and moved a few feet away to look at everything in excitement. Lino was still standing beside me, petting Cheese who was in my arms. His eyes were still wet and he sniffled occasionally.

“You really didn’t have to get us anything. We enjoyed Cheeses company. It will feel a little lonely here without him to be honest.” Bangchan stated side eyeing his two roommates.

I shook my head with a smile. “It was the very least I could do. I was out of my mind with worry when he was missing and then you took him in for days when I couldn’t find anyone. Trust me, this isn’t even close to enough to show how thankful I am.”

Bangchan smiled sweetly. “Well thank you, im sure we will love everything. As you can see they are already very excited.”

I headed home soon after that. Giving Cheese the lecture of his fuzzy life as I drove. For his part, he listened quietly, but didn’t seem at all fazed.

A/N: okay so since the texts were originally by themselves they don't match up perfectly but bear with me here.

I don't know if anyone will really enjoy this but I wanted to get more detailed my own self so I am writing for me mostly. Self indulgence.

Love you all and thank you for even trying to read. Sorry for errors, I'm hooman 🤷🏻‍♀️

And thank you in advance for any reblogs, notes, comments, tags, replies, and/or anything else. Let's have fun with this together 🩷💙💜

Masterlist

[jemmo]

Making sense of love for love's sake: the game

Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:

'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'

And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".

When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.

And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.

And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:

"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable." "It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."

Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.

"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile." "Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?" "Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."

And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.

"I don't like talking about destiny." "Why?" "Because it means everything is predestined." "Then do you not believe in fate?" "Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." "Really? Then Myungha..."

And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.

And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.

And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.

The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.

[dreadfulgentleman]

what's the story behind knowing & living with the director of meet the robinsons

Time for a long story. I cannot shorten it.

In 2014-2015, I was miserable. I was working at WDW in FL at the time and going through the worst depression of my life. Everything bad that could have happened to me seemed to hit all at once. Losing my fiancee, losing housing, dealing with significant trans-related dysphoria, having work-related issues, having complications with unsupportive relatives, etc. The only thing keeping me going was the movie "Meet the Robinsons". More specifically, it was the character Bowler Hat Guy and the 'keep moving forward' quote that provided a crutch for me as I hung onto life by a single thread. Things came to a head when I thought seriously of taking my own life. I remember being in that moment, going through all the questions in my head of what would happen if I made that choice: What would happen to my stuff? What would my family think? What would happen at work? None of the answers to those questions mattered to me at all. It wasn't until I arrived at the very last question I asked myself that something changed. I asked myself, "If I could choose, what would I put on my tombstone?" Immediately my mind said, "Well, Keep Moving Forward, of course." But no sooner had I said that did I realize the irony of those words. How could I put those words on my tombstone and yet also take my own life? It made no sense. I thought, "What would the director think if I did that?" So I made the decision to put the knife down.

Several months later, I was dressed as Bowler Hat Guy to a Halloween party at Magic Kingdom. Someone came up to me very excitedly explaining that they were so happy to find someone who knew what MTR was. We laughed together and quoted the movie to each other and generally had a silly interaction based on fandom-sharing. Until suddenly she came right up close to me and said, "No, you don't understand, my cousin is the one who directed that movie." Well, of course, I freaked out. Immediately I clasped my hands against her shoulders and told her he and that movie had literally saved my life. I begged her to put me in contact with him in order to thank him directly. She said she absolutely would. Several days later and sure enough, there's the director in my inbox talking to me. I was starstruck. I told him why Meet the Robinsons was so important to me--how it had literally saved my life. As it turned out, he and his family were going to be visiting WDW the following month so he offered to meet up at a starbucks to chat. I was over the moon.

That starbucks meeting was three hours long. The entire time was chatting about how the movie was made, how he felt about it, how I felt about it, etc. I'll never forget that the first thing I asked him was, "What's BHG drinking in the playtime planet cup?" to which Steve replied, "What do YOU think is in the cup?" When I told him I had always imagined it was chocolate milk, he said, "Well, then, I guess it's chocolate milk." It was both a kind and humble thing to say as well as frustrating because that meant there was no canon answer (Ha!).

We inevitably left starbucks that day but remained friends on social media. A few days later was Thanksgiving. Steve's wife Heather found out that I was going to be alone that day so she told Steve they should both go out to dinner with me. So I was promptly invited to a pizza place with just the both of them. That dinner ended up being five hours long--I suppose we just had that good of a time! I was awestruck by their generosity and kindness. They felt like the real Robinsons, being automatically welcoming, encouraging, and supportive. I felt inspired by them and I was overjoyed that they had taken the time out of their vacation to hang out. When I walked out to the parking lot with them, feeling awed and humbled by how incredibly nice these two people were, Heather said something to me that I'll never forget. They both knew by now how many terrible things had occurred in my life up until then. They knew how much the movie meant to me. Heather said, "Would you like to be an Anderson?" Naturally, I cried on the spot and said yes.

The question at the time had simply meant to be one of general support and encouragement. But little did we know what would be coming next.

I was invited out to their house the following spring. It was only meant to be a week-long visit to see what California was like (I had never been before). Well, we were having such a good time that I extended my trip another week....... and then another....... and then suddenly the question was asked: "Would you like to just move in?"

So I did. I packed up all my stuff in FL and drove my car to CA just to be in their tiny guest room. A fresh restart in life. I legally changed my middle name to "Yagoobian" and we often joke that the five hour pizza dinner on Thanksgiving was my adoption interview. (Though for clarity sake, I'm on good terms with my actual relatives and this situation isn't meant to be a literal adoption scenario. My blood family and the "Robinsons" get along very well)

We are now in a bigger house where I have my own upstairs apartment and life is extremely akin to a real life version of The Robinson household. We're all artists so Steve is still working on movies, Heather sews and sometimes works on costumes/cosplay with me, I make short films (that sometimes Steve and Heather both help me with), and we thoroughly enjoy picking apart movies that we all watch together. We most certainly discuss MTR regularly and really enjoy looking at fanart or reading headcanons online (although it's mostly Heather and I, especially on tumblr. Steve unfortunately cannot be told most headcanon things for legal reasons, but we show him fanart all the time). I'm calling her out right now so you can ask her Robinson things if you'd like :P -- @bowler-hat-gal

This scenario sounds stranger than fiction, I know. And it is. I would never have guessed I would be where I am now. I often feel like I'm in the timeline where BHG had taken up the offer to live in the Robinson Household, being given the chance to restart his life and be happy. And I AM happy. I'm really glad to have found the place that feels like home.

All I can say is I'm so glad I put down that knife.

I'm so glad I chose to Keep Moving Forward.

[bleue-flora]

yeah I think even though c!Tommy had a lot of visitors in exile, its all undermined because he still felt lonely and c!Dream had told him that people were only visiting him to see the place and encouraged c!Tommy to see the gifts as pity gifts but its a nice comparison you made regardless I think comparing the physical torment both faced it would be interesting, c!tommys was more spaced out and emotional based + the hits he took from cdreams weapons, c!dreams was daily and more extreme

[context]

{wrote this answer awhile ago, and was going to add to it a comparison of Exile and prison emotional and physical abuse data but due to recent events I’m finding it hard to watch exile streams so that analysis has been put on hold, but figured I could still post this answer.}

Look I'm not saying Dream isn't a good manipulator, because he certainly is, but from Day 1 even before Dream shows up to visit, Tommy is already moping and calling people's gifts pity gifts and stuff (like in that post the clip of Bad happens before Dream shows up for the first time). In fact, the more I rewatch Exile the more I wonder what would have happened if it had been someone else in Tommy's shoes? Would the situation seem as screwed up if the person was more resistant to the abuse and not falling apart on their own. Is that why there are people who see Dream as deserving of prison, and Exile as more emotionally damaging? I don't know, it's just a thought, is it Dream’s nonchalance that cuts into people's pity and empathy?...

It's actually something I've thought about a lot in the last year, because there is almost always something going wrong in my life and so I've kinda adapted this "is what it is" "this is fine" "I tried what more can I do" attitude of letting things roll off and just dealing with it and turning it into a funny story (sometimes you gotta laugh to keep from crying). It was actually highlighted a few weeks ago when my coworker was trying to stress to me how awful and cold it would be if my heat were to go out this winter. And I was like - "I am beyond aware, I lost my heat, hot water, and internet during a snow storm last year so I know exactly how miserable it is." and her face was just like 'oh... right' as if my anxiety and the words I'd been saying all week finally dawned on her. As if the lighthearted nature and attitude in which I shared those facts before undid the gravity of them.

It’s actually something I really noticed this summer when my sister-in-law was in a car accident and got a concussion. My parents were reasonably worried and like offering to come up and if they need to bring my brother and her food and stuff, and it caught me by surprise in a weird way. Not because I don't think she (and my brother) didn't deserve or need the help and sympathy, but because less than a year and a half ago, after spending a week with covid in an apartment with broken air conditioning during heat advisory, I end up fainting while coming out of the shower as I was getting ready to finally go back to work... The crazy person I am, I was bleeding and still the thought in my mind was - 'I'll just stick a bandaid on it’ (I ended up with 7 stitches lol)... Anyways, long story short despite my concussion I pushed on through my second to last semester of engineering courses and hell even made Dean's List despite my struggling short memory, which might be one of my proudest achievements to be honest. And in hindsight as I observed people's care and concern for my sister-in-law and them asking if she needs to leave the room for the quiet and how long is she taking off work... etc, I realized just how kinda screwed up it was that I had to handle everything by myself. That no one was there to tell me to not use a screen right after getting a concussion and how I definitely should not have been tutoring or doing school the week after. I did it all by myself and pushed through, and I realized that I think because I didn't make it a big deal, it became not a big deal for them. Because I laughed about it and tell the story in a comical way, people don’t seem to understand just how hard it was. As if a concussion in itself isn’t terrible, period.

In the same way, Torture is terrible, period. Dream shouldn’t have to be pathetic for that fact to be true. He shouldn’t have to be broken, or say “yes sir,” we shouldn’t need any evidence but that fact alone. (Now obviously within the dsmp Minecraft medium it’s a little different but hopefully you get the point). The torture isn’t any less horrible if the character reacts by becoming submissive or fighting back. Torture isn’t any less horrible because of who it is on (something Dream tries to highlight to Sam in Daedalus). Torture is bad. It doesn’t matter if the reason was good or not, it doesn’t matter if the victim shows how hurt they are or not. And yet, those facts change our perception of it. It is different to know someone was tortured than it is to see them having a panic attack afterwards or their scars.

So then, would characters and we the audience still think Exile is as bad as it was if the person who was exiled didn’t react the same. If their clothes weren’t falling apart. If they weren’t moping around and complaining. If the facts were the exact same, but the attitude of the character was different, how would it change how we saw Exile? Would we still see Exile as even comparable on any scale to Prison? If we saw all 82 of Quackity’s visits how would it change our perception? If Dream was too scared to hold an axe during jailbreak or if he cried in Punz’s arms right after, if he didn’t show such apathy when telling Sapnap or Foolish or Tommy about the torture, would it change how those characters felt about it? If Dream’s skin had clothes that we saw slowly deteriorating everytime we saw him in prison how would that change how we saw it? Or if Tommy’s clothes hadn’t changed, how would that change how we saw Exile?… yes Exile was horrible, and yes it was abuse and screwed up. But also, is part of why we see it as this big horrible thing because of Tommy’s reaction to it. That’s not to say it wasn’t horrible or I’m trying to minimize the abuse, but also lots of horrible things happen on the dsmp. I mean Fundy committed suicide and I don’t see people getting as upset at Wilbur as they do Dream for Tommy’s almost suicide.

I don’t know, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about. If Dream’s attitude to being tortured changed how characters and we saw it, and if in the same way, Tommy’s attitude changed how we saw Exile. If the roles were reversed or someone else was in Tommy’s place, (whether or not they are actually comparable), would anyone think they are even comparable in any aspect?

Sapnap: “What do you mean he was torturing you? Like literally torturing you?”

[fionaapplerocks]

SFJ: Where’d you go to school?

FA: From second grade until ninth grade I went to this place St. Hilda’s and St. Hugh’s School, which is on 114th and Riverside. I have really good memories of that school; I think it was a great place. Really small, and really a diverse group of kids—lots of exchange students went there for some reason. It’s an Episcopalian school, but nobody even knew what Episcopalian meant. I still don’t know what Episcopalian means. We went to chapel every morning and had Eucharist every Wednesday. There were nuns that taught there, but, strangely, it didn’t feel like it was a religious school.

SFJ: So what happened in ninth grade?

FA: My dad lived in Venice, and I went out to spend a year to live with him, and I went to Hamilton High for one year, in California. That was an awful year. St. Hilda’s goes from nursery to twelfth [8th] grade, and there were three hundred kids in the whole school. Hamilton had five thousand kids for high school. At St. Hilda’s, that small amount of kids, from all over the world, all different religious, and it wasn’t ever an issue. Going out to L.A., it was like five thousand kids. The quad was the most segregated place I had ever seen. I didn’t know where to go. It was a terrible year. I couldn’t really find any friends that stuck.

SFJ: And that was tenth grade?

FA: Yeah, that was tenth grade. Then, I came back to New York and went to this place called Rhodes, which was a night school, and they used the building of the Dwight School, on 89th. I was a receptionist at the Dwight School during the day, and then, when they shut down, then Rhodes was at night. Rhodes was ridiculous. There was maybe twenty kids that went there. It was the only place I could go to because by the time I realized I was miserable in California—I didn’t have very good grades to begin with—it was hard to get into a school, and it was like, “Oh, Rhodes’ll take me.” Everybody that was at Rhodes was those kids that like no one else would take them. And all the teachers that worked there—it wasn’t like they were bad teachers, but everybody that worked there they were doing it to get extra money. They were teaching a class at night, because they needed the money. Nobody was really invested in it at all; everybody kind of had to be there. It was ridiculous. It was like, “Do your homework? What?” The classes were an hour and a half, and you’d have forty-five minutes, and then a fifteen-minute break, and then another forty-five minutes. On fifteen-minute break, everybody would go outside and smoke pot. There was no second forty-five minutes ever, and you’d be sitting out on the stoop and the teachers would be like, “Come back into class.” and you’d be like, “Why?” It was that kind of place. And then they closed down.

SFJ: So things kind of went downhill after ninth grade.

FA: And then after that, for my senior year, I went back to California, to this place called Poseidon, which was a home school. It was actually a school for people with emotional problems, and I was really lucky to get in. I didn’t graduate, though, because they require you to take driver’s ed, and I hadn’t done that.

Excerpt from interview by Sasha Frere-Jones—September 16th 2005 at the W Hotel and September 18th 2005 at Café Botanica in the Essex Hotel.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Its the cycle of History. Civilizations rise up. He watches them thrive. They eventually fall. Witnessing an expected event over and over with no Change can be desensitizating. After all, there's no reason in madness! (Timekeeper being in a similar boat of boredom only satiated by causing problems on purpose in roundabout ways for lols)

One might say that all he does with Destruction gives him a sense of control. Finally he can play HIS way. Speeding up things so he doesn't end up getting attached. Even better if he can be destroyed in turn some day. The combo of adrenaline and spices make for quite the addiction :3 If it turns out he sent spiced out cookies to Mystic then not even his supposed friend is safe from bull

It's rather interesting with what we've seen in Mystic Flour as the first Beast release. Girlie cared too much til she had no more f to give. BS destroys everything before he could prolly care. Can't wait to see Smilk spiraling into silly[tm] from knowing too much! Time to crave tragedy!!

I know, brother. Trust me. I've made a post addressing this before, and... Well. What I work on and study irl has an awful lot to do with history as a subject lol. I really need you wll to believe me when I say I understand the cycle of history. I know it so well, it hurts. It's part of why I'm such a cynic irl. I know exactly how awful history and people are. I really, truly do.

And you have a point, yeah. It could be a play for control. For things to be the way Burning Spice wants them to be, if only once. Sort of like what I suggested in that post: just cut out the middleman and end it all yourself. Be the "solution" to the "problem", before the problem even actually happens. It's a valid theory. Certainly an interesting one.

It's still bullshit at the end, though. Same with Mystic Flour's reasons for turning bad. Same as all the others' reasons probably will be.

Idk I think I'm just... tired at this point. History is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart for many reasons, and has been my whole life. In studying history, you learn a lot about people and life and the human condition. And part of that is hearing every single excuse for doing evil deeds possible. And in hearing Mystic Flour's backstory, and even Burning Spice's (how little we actually see), all I heard were all those same excuses all over again. And I got sick of hearing them a long time ago.

I'm not sure I necessarily see what Mystic Flour did as "caring too much until she had nothing left to give". I see it, I see what you're saying and it's valid, I just... it reads more as outright naivety to me. Girlie acts like she's never heard of greedy people before. "There were people who wished for selfish things and wanted my powers for themselves" uh yeah lol. That happens. There are people like that out there. You should know better than to think otherwise. You should also know better than to just go ahead and grant every single person's wishes. It inevitably leads to greed and entitlement. But regardless, that's no fucking reason to want to wipe out all of man/cookiekind. That's fucking stupid. Some shitty people took advantage of me, therefore every single person on earth should lose their individuality and die. Fuck you, you miserable bitch (I know it's more complicated than that, I'm just distilling it because MF legitimately does irritate me as a character lol)

"I'm bored" oh man. Oh jeez. That's the worst thing that could ever happen to someone, now isn't it. You're so bored, it seems, that you can't even be bothered to explain why or how. Are you tired of building something up and caring about it, only for it to be destroyed, over and over again? Did you lose someone important to you while enforcing that cycle? Are you overwhelmed by the burden of the responsibility you were given without choice, and thus slowly driven to madness? All of the above? None? It doesn't matter because those are stupid, too. And they're rendered stupid because you use them as an excuse to hurt people that have nothing to do with anything. "I destroy things to regain a semblance of control over my life and to prevent attachment" cool motive, still murder. If you (and MF, too) are that bothered by the way things are then just fucking kill yourself. Why not? End your oh so terrible suffering instead of inflicting it on everyone else. But they won't, and neither did the other Beasts, because they are all fundamentally dumb, selfish, hypocritical cowards.

Or, how about this: ABDICATE. You don't want the power and responsibility? Give it to somebody else. You don't want to help uphold balance? Fine, that's fair. LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT, THEN. Have the humility and integrity to admit you're not cut out for the job instead of doing this heinous shit. The Ancients worked for the power and accepted the responsibility that came with it. That's why they're better than you and always will be. They're not bummed out by immortality or the cycle of history or whatever else you want to cry about. They live their lives and do right by others and get the job done. It's obvious you can't, so just man up and step down. Or don't. Hoard the power and neglect the responsibility and be a blight on society instead of coming to terms with your own shortcomings. Because that's easier, isn't it? Being evil is the easy way out. That's why so many people are. Because they're too weak to try anything else.

That's all the Beasts were and continue to me, to me. Weak. They are right to be unhappy with whatever unfortunate circumstances befell them. They are right to resent their creators and the burden they bestowed upon them. But they are wrong to punish everyone else for it. It's selfishness. Weak moral and spiritual fiber. Congratulations, Mystic Flour, you've proven that your apathy is fake by trying so hard to get the Soul Jam back and wanting to steamroll everyone else's rights, thoughts and feelings with your own. Congratulations, Burning Spice, you're still perpetuating the cycle of history by being the exact same bloodthirsty tyrant as every single one before and after you. I've seen these clowns before, history is full of them. And they all start grating on you after a while lol.

Idk if any of this made sense. I think I'm just irritated with the Beasts (and with villains in general, maybe, to a degree) and your ask gave me an excuse to ramble semi-coherently about it lol. I nevertheless appreciate you telling me your thoughts. You have good and interesting ones. I wish you a wonderful New Year and a big basket full of delicious bonbons

[revserrayyu]

3.1 Amphoreus thoughts [part 2]

***Spoilers ahead*** for everything up until the rematch with the Flame Reaver, so turn away now if you don’t wanna get upset. At the time of writing this I’ve completed the full story quest so be wary if I mention any details that may happen later.

Starting off nice and calm with the ladies heading to the hot baths for some fun and sweet lord how did Aglaea become even prettier?? I’m in awe.

This whole splitting of the souls chatter reminds me of Harry Potter horcruxes. Becoming a demigod doesn’t seem like the most fantastical job in the world if it comes with such a big drawback, such as this or having your emotions slowly fade (as seen with Aglaea). I can only wonder what Mydei will have to deal with now.

The teasing just never ends between these two and it’s giving me life. Every interaction they have is such a joy to listen to.

Dang, no wonder our boy couldn’t overcome the trail. He was faced with the most tragic day of his life and all the trauma that came with it.

Okay thank heavens someone said it! Every time Mydei would mention how fear/fleeing/romance or any other word that shows weakness isn’t in the Kremnoan language I wanted to ask him like, okay, so what words are there then??

Mydei speaks so fondly of his fallen comrades. Being immortal really is cruel, and it hurts even more that we walk past all of his buddies again in a memory where they’re so excited to see him return.

At some point, Mydei’s teacher infiltrates the vortex by sorta kinda kidnapping Trinnon to do so and after going through this long spiel about the future of Mydei and the Kremnoans that I truthfully wasn’t paying that close attention to, Aglaea decides enough is enough and doesn’t hesitate to most likely execute him.. until Trinnon speaks up. I can’t lie, I genuinely find it a bit comical how quick this woman is to just end anyone who dares break any rules in this city.

So.. this image. First things first, I love that he uses such language at his father. Secondly, can I trade places with him? I’d love to open my eyes and see this marvelous man looking down on me. Step on me, king~

Poor guy has every one of his people wishing to return home to Kremnos someday with him as their king and yet he’s terrified on letting the miserable traditions continue if he decides to take the crown. It really is a difficult decision. Do you keep everyone safe and unhappy, or allow them to thrive in a world of danger?

Oohhh buddy, why must everyone on this planet be gorgeous?? Her mom is looking like a long lost cousin of Argenti and Himeko.

Not gonna lie but this whole scene with the dolls felt so Sparkle coded that it scared me. I honestly jumped the first time everything glitched out.

Well that’s a bright, red death flag if I ever saw one. Some trailers already gave me bad feelings regarding Tribbie, but this worsens it.

Pfftt, Aglaea has no chill and I’m here for it. Protect your people, queen!

I mean, sure, choosing how you pass on individually on your own terms may be better than losing every part of yourself all at once, but Aglaea has a point too, that seeing the many Tribios clones perish over and over again is a lot harder than having it happen just once and being done with. It’s not an easy situation to be in for either side.

It really is incredible how powerful these century gates are and it kinda reminds me of Finral’s spacial magic (Black Clover) the way it’s able to teleport others and redirect incoming attacks or enemies.

If I wasn’t already panicking then I sure am now! Look how upset and scared these cuties are! They know Trianne’s pushing herself too far for their sake and there’s truly nothing that they could do to stop what happens next, especially after seeing how much weaker she’s been getting recently.

Aaahhh, I knew it.. seeing this scene from the Song of Divine Silence trailer gave me such bad vibes from the moment I saw it! And after learning the whole meaning behind “see you tomorrow” just makes everything hurt twice as much!! Trianne was definitely my favorite out of the trio too.. this is such a bummer!

We interrupt the sudden heartbreak to bring you an adorably surprised Trailblazer.

I do love that Mydei trusts Phainon with his one and only weakness. I dunno how thrilled I’d be if such a literal backstabbing does take place in a future patch though.

Anaxa, the renowned scholar, using his gun as a shield against the Flame Reaver.. he’s doing his best. Forgive me but I do not remember much of this cutscene to know if he ever used the weapon the proper way. I was in a mix of tears and hype at this point.

Bro look at how relieved Phainon is when he noticed that Mydei has arrived to help them with the fight! That’s such a wonderful smile.

Sir, your confidence! It’s extraordinary! And I’m also very pleased with your sudden assistance!

Just two bros, ready to go knock some sense into a common enemy. What could possibly be better than that?

Okay, so I dunno about everyone else, but how did we feel about this fight? I personally had no trouble at all, even when we first fought him at the grove. The way they showcased him during the 3.1 livestream, I figured he was gonna be serious trouble, but I think the Nikador boss offered a tougher challenge. I didn’t even get the chance to see this dude’s big, fancy attack animation.

Look at him, protecting his man. What a good lad. We still dunno anything about what Phainon’s path or element would be, but for some reason he gives Preservation vibes? like I know he wields a giant sword and is quite capable of using for offense, but seeing him defend Mydei like this makes me think he can use it as a sort of counter I guess? Maybe give me a taunt too? Who knows. We definitely need more Preservation units though.

All hail the new king successfully securing another win for all.

I feel like a whole lot just happened in such a short amount of time. Next post should cover the rest of this patch.

[nethhiri]

Chapter 66: Wa-no! Let's Go!

Warnings: Violence

Kid's breathing was ragged as he leaned against the cold stone wall for support. Every breath was fire in his lungs. Several ribs were broken, he was sure of it. More than several. This was the first time he remained conscious for an extended period of time. He was in seastone restraints and he had been beaten to hell and back by Kaido. He had a concussion, part of the reason he couldn't stay conscious for long. His face was swollen and bleeding. He could barely see, the swelling around his eyes was so bad. Even if he could see, it would be in doubles. His throat was raw from screaming. Some of the screaming had been from pain, but most of it was hurling insults at Kaido, earning him more beatings. When they came to move him to a permanent cell, he could scarcely stand on his own. At least this would spare him more beatings from Kaido. The guards were like ants compared to him. 

The first week at Udon prison was miserable. Kid worked through the pain of recovery, moving giant slabs of rock. He used the opportunity to scout the prison out. He didn't see a single member of his crew there with him. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. What if Kaido had punished them for his actions as well? What if he was the only one left? His thoughts turned to you. Were you okay? Did Kaido find you along with the rest of his crew or were you able to escape his wrath? Part of Kid wanted you to stay away if you had survived. He didn't want to endanger the remaining crew he had left. He would find a way out of here and find the rest of his crew. They would escape this place somehow and find you. 

The other part of him wanted you to come rescue them. He wanted you to come find Killer and Heat and Wire, along with everyone else, since he couldn't. Especially as the weeks dragged on. He dreamt about you coming to break him out. Sometimes it was Killer. Sometimes he dreamt that you and Killer were brought here with him. Even that made his imprisonment more tolerable. It was being alone that was the worst part, or so he thought. It turned out the only thing worse than being beaten, starving, alone, and depressed was being kept in the same cell as Straw Hat. 

"Jaggy! Why do you look so sad?"

"I'm not sad!"

"You're frowning though."

"BECAUSE YER BOTHERING ME."

"But you were frowning before I was bothering you."

The guard outside slammed his weapon against the bars to get their attention. "You two, shut up."

"SUCK MY FAT COCK SINCE MY GIRL AIN'T HERE TO DO IT FOR ME."

"If your girl was here, she wouldn't be sucking your cock. But I'd be happy to give her some adult entertainment," the guard sneered. 

Before he knew what happened, Kid's hand was wrapped around his throat. The bars were just wide enough and the guard was just close enough to be within Kid's grasp. He was nowhere near as beaten down as he had been after Kaido. The wardens were unwise to test him.  

"I'd reconsider. The last man who tried that lost his manhood." Kid snapped his teeth together for emphasis. 

Kid squeezed until he felt something snap under his grip and he felt the man go limp. He released the guard into a crumpled pile on the ground and spit on him. 

"Aw, Jaggy, you didn't have to kill him," Straw Hat said. 

"Anyone who threatens my crew deserves to die, that goes double for my partners."

"What's your girl look like? Maybe I've seen her."

"Wouldn't ya like to know..." Kid scoffed. After a few moments, he decided to answer, just in case Straw Hat had seen you. It would be a relief to know. "She's got a glare that would melt yer face and eyes brighter than molten metal. Her face is marked by scars that dance with her freckles. The right side has been touched by acid in such a shape that it matches my hand when I hold her cheek. She ain't big, but she's got a commanding presence that forces men to their knees. Her legs go on forever and ya would thank her for choking ya to death with her strong thighs. Her tits are so perfect they make ya wanna build a temple justa worship them and an ass so plump if ya used it as yer pillow, all yer dreams would surely come true. When she fights, her fury is like a hundred angry vipers and she strikes like them too. Even her insults tempt ya to be impaled on that sharp tongue of hers. She's perfect."

The sound of Luffy's snores filled the cell.

"SOME FUCKIN HELP YA ARE."

Kid was annoyed, but talking about you so passionately made him miss you more. It also made him semi-hard. He wanted so badly to have you in his arms, to feel you scratch his back and bite his neck. He wanted to feel your thighs around him, begging him to fuck you deeper. He wanted to feel your soft lips against his own. He may as well use the limited privacy to relieve himself of his pent up libido before they replaced the dead guard or Luffy woke up. Kid drew your likeness in the dirt on the floor, trying to remember the dreams he had where you were bouncing on him or under him. A visual aid would be more stimulating than nothing, even if it was a stick figure with boobs. Then, he noticed something sticking out of the dead guard's pocket. He crawled to the bars and reached through, barely grazing the papers with his fingers.  He managed to tug them free without ripping them and he was rewarded for his careful extraction with wanted posters, wanted posters that happened to display the objects of his affection. Neither of them displayed you in the way he knew, though he would recognize Killer's and your face anywhere. His immediate reaction was giddiness, because this would be way better material than a dirt drawing. In his post-nut clarity, when his brain was functioning, he was relieved you were both alive, and he wondered why the fuck you both had wanted posters. What did you do? What did Killer do? 

The closer you got to Wano, the rougher the seas got. Seawater crashed over the sides of the ship, drenching everything. You had to maintain a protective shield of compressed air with your devil fruit in order to stay dry. Given the circumstances, your crew performed well. The women from the Snake Den picked up sailing without much trouble. The Kid Pirates followed your orders without question or complaint. You had been nervous due to your past experiences, but there was no need to be. Kid's crew respected you and loved you. For Kid to ask you to be a fleet captain, he knew they did. 

Through the spray of salt water, Wano slowly but surely became visible. Goldie directed you toward the entrance to the country. At first, you didn't believe her, that it was behind a waterfall, not until you actually went through it. Before that, you disguised the ship according to Goldie's sketches of a traditional Wanese vessel. Lucky for everyone, she was a decent artist. When you sailed through the entrance, you approached the dock slowly, using your eye's enhanced vision to observe the clothing of the general public. With your fruit, you had everyone in clothing that would blend them into the population without a problem. 

This was it. You made it to Wano. Now, you had to rescue the Kid Pirates. The plan was simple: gather as much information as possible, find out where your captain and the crew were being held, and free them. Jade and her girls were ready to take on the brothels. The rest of you were to scatter across the land and keep your ears open. The plan was to stay out of trouble. What good would it be to stir something up and get captured too? The plan was to work fast. Much like the rest of your life, nothing went according to plan.

First, the clothes annoyed you. Why did no one wear pants? You hated the openness of the kimono-type clothing. You didn't even make it a day before you were tailoring the garment to have pants. The shoes were annoying too. Altering the cloppy, unstable, wooden sandals, you turned them into plain flats. Sandals were going to fly off your feet if you fought someone or fall off when you rode Mini. Second, it took a lot longer to find useful information than you thought. Maybe you had gotten too used to the instant gratification that torturing information out of people brought you. It had beens days of wandering through towns. None of the native residents would talk to you. They were all too wary. Contrary to that, several times you had been questioned by who you now knew as Beast Pirates, some fucked up animal hybrids with busted smiles. How it pained you to behave. That didn't last long. After a week, you decided enough was enough. Yes, you did say you would stay out of trouble, and you made a valiant effort, but you were impatient. You had previously thought that getting captured would prove antithetical to the mission. It was possible that getting captured would take you right to the top, the person that knew where all your friends were. If you could avoid being put in seastone, you may yet get to torture information out of someone. 

Riding atop Mini, you traveled through several rural villages. Your gunblade was kept hidden under a colorful haori that hung over your shoulders, tucked into the sash around your waist. You had kept it hidden, as it was obviously foreign. By the way the townspeople seemed to avoid the Beast Pirates, and how you had seen them interact, it was clear they were the ones keeping everyone in line. There were also clearly corrupt town officials, made fairly obvious by disparities between the townsfolk's shacks and the elaborate compound the official lived in. As much as you would have liked to kill them all, you had to keep some alive so they could identify you to their superiors. It took a while to come across your prey. You finally crossed paths with some of the Beast Pirates, who were busy harassing villagers. Now, you weren't a good guy or a hero. Some may see you that way, but it was only coincidence that your personal goals induced actions that brought those accolades. That being said, you shot one of the Beast Pirates in the head and the other one non-fatally. You rode by slowly, letting the surviving pirate get a good look at your face before spurring Mini on to the next town. They were too in shock to retaliate before you were out of sight.

Mini's hooves pounded the ground, flying through different villages. A few times, Beast Pirates came after you, each time, you put them down. They increased in strength over time, so they must have been taking you seriously. You managed to overhear some things as you traveled. The shogun of Wano was called Orochi and he was in the Flower Capital. That was where the most well-off of the population lived. You also learned he was in league with the Beast Pirates and Kaido. He was the reason the people in the outskirts of the capital were destitute and also the reason they all wore fake smiles. Orochi would know where your crew was, so Orochi would be your target. Maybe you didn't even need to get caught, you could find him now that you knew who he was. That worked out better. Taking action yourself was faster than waiting to be taken to him, and that wasn't even guaranteed. With this new direction in mind, you steered Mini toward the capital. This time, when anyone stood in your path, you didn't even bother to dismount the boar, letting her run straight through them or shooting them dead and using their corpse as a springboard. You didn't need to put on a show for anyone now that you had a name and a location. Hunting people down and killing them was kind of your thing. 

Judging from the way the buildings increased in number and quality, the distant glow of lights, and the increasing amount of people, you were getting closer to the capital. It was late. The only souls awake were yourself and Minerva. You could hear a stream somewhere behind the main row of houses. The moon was the main source of light as you dismounted the boar and wove through the brush to get to it. You dropped to your knees, eager to wash the dust of the road from your mouth and face. The water was freezing, probably coming from mountain snow melt, but it felt good against your skin. You had scarcely stopped to take care of yourself or eat since you started this mission. You drank from your cupped hand, nearly choking on the acrid taste of the water. You spit the taste out of your mouth. It was tainted somehow. When you opened your eyes, the moonlight on the water's surface reflected a figure behind you. There was a cold, sharp edge pressed against your throat, forcing you to stand to your feet as it pulled against the skin.

You didn't sense them at all. Mini didn't alert either. An eerie laugh rang out from behind you, sending a chill up your spine. In one motion, you ducked backwards to get the blade off your neck and pulled your own weapon from your waist. With quick reflexes, the assailant dodged or deflected every shot you sent in their direction. The figure laughed once more, tightening their grip on their weapons. You frowned. No one that had been sent after you so far had been even close to dodging anything. You hardly had time to think on it. Two scythes slashed at the space you had just been standing in. Finally, you were given a challenge. 

The man, as you had figured out, was very agile. Your bullets were fast, but he was faster. It was like he knew what you were going to do before you did it. Contrary to that, his attacks were random, haphazard, and hard to predict. You felt yourself on the defense more than offense. He caught you off-guard, kicking you in the side instead of using his scythes. You were thrown into a tree, slamming your back into the trunk. The moment of incredible pain delayed your reflexes, and his foot was in the center of your chest, pinning you to the trunk. He leaned his entire weight into you, slowly squeezing the air from your lungs. Glowing yellow roots sprung up from the ground and constricted around him, pulling him off you and immobilizing him. The brief glow illuminated bandages around his face, a haori with colorful dots on it, and hair in a high ponytail. He wasn't in the same uniform as the other Beast Pirates. You rubbed your chest where he had pinned you and caught your breath. The man struggled and laughed in the confines of the vegetation, partially breaking out until you had restrained him further. 

"You're not a Beast Pirate."

"Fa fa fa! You've caused Master Orochi a lot of trouble, boar rider." The man's voice seemed familiar.

"Take me to him. I just want to talk." 

"It will be hard to talk when you're dead. Fa fa fa!" 

"I'm worth more alive," you countered.

"I'll be the judge of that." 

The man flexed, causing the roots trapping him to snap and break until he was free. He came at you again with the scythes. The roots weren't enhanced at all, still you were a bit surprised that he shrugged them off that easily. The gunblade was hard to use against his weapons, so you instead transformed your bracer into a spear. It was easier to block with that. No matter how hard you brought your weapon down on him, he barely budged. He blocked everything without much effort. On the other hand, when he attacked you, you were pushed back by the sheer force of his hits. If he kept at it, you were going to tire fast. You started dodging instead, making him chase you. Neither of you paid any attention to your surroundings, fighting in the open and sending the very few people that were out at this hour into hiding. 

Every strike of his scythes was jarring. He didn't let up either. Strike after strike, he kept coming after you, not giving you an opportunity to hit back. It was pissing you off. You came back at him hard, but he seemed to brush off your attacks, only enraging you further. With your next attack, he waited for you to be in a vulnerable stance before using the butt of his scythe to knock you off balance. Then he kicked you backwards, knocking the air out of your lungs, as you flew through the walls of a house and slammed into the ground. You didn't have time to be dazed, but it was hard to push yourself up when the world was spinning. You managed to roll onto your back a second before a scythe was being plunged into your chest. Immediately you were drowning in your own blood. There was a burning in your right side as your lung deflated around the sharp metal tip embedded in it. There was a tug, pulling you from the ground for a moment before your body slid off the man's scythe and thumped back to the ground. An excruciating pain radiated from the wound. Out of instinct, your hand covered the spot, feeling how much blood was soaked into your clothes. You coughed blood out of your mouth, a reciprocal spray coming from the opening to your chest cavity. 

The man stood over you, watching you bleed out before his eyes. Of course you wouldn't give him the satisfaction. A yellow light emanated from your chest as the hole closed. You took a deep breath in, getting the air that you were in desperate need of. Lashing out with your hand, you grabbed his ankle and used your fruit to paralyze him. The man wobbled and fell on top of you. You flipped him underneath you, straddling his chest. You looked down at him and the bandages on his face. They weren't covering any wounds. They were simply serving to cover his face, hide his identity. You released the paralysis from his head so he could speak, at the same time sliding your hand under the bandages of his face, ripping them off one strip at a time. 

"Fa fa fa! Maybe you are worth something."

Blood still dripped from your mouth and landed on the man's face. "Worth more than you, it seems." Pointedly, you ripped off another bandage. 

"Perhaps. Master Orochi may have use for you. He may let you live if you serve him."

This was an option you hadn't considered. You could infiltrate them from the inside. As much as you wanted to torture information about Kid and Killer's whereabouts from him, it may be unwise to torture the shogun. You would have every Beast Pirate and samurai in the country on your tail. But if you worked for him, maybe the same way this man did, you might gain free access to this information. 

"I'll let you move again if you bring me to him."

"Fa fa fa! I can't do that," The man's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Why not?"

"If I bring you alive, he may kill me. Fa fa fa!"

"One of us has to die then." You contemplated it and then smiled, "I'll gamble mine if you gamble yours." 

"Fa fa fa! I like you, boar rider. I hope you live."

Ripping through the last bandages, you froze. The moon was not bright enough to illuminate the blue of his eyes, and you were hardly paying attention to the familiar blonde of his ponytail. Those features should have been enough. The thing that was keeping you from recognizing him, was that you had never seen him with a smile so big, and you had never heard him belt out a laugh like that. Now you could see the man in front of you. It was Killer. You could see that it was him, but you still did not recognize him. Something was wrong. This was not him. It was obvious he didn't recognize you in the slightest. Still, tears pooled in your eyes. He was alive. He may not be himself, but at least he was alive.

Next

Tag list: @bbnbhm @wgwingguns @nocturnalrorobin @lycanthropemaul

[imagionationstation]

*Rant Incoming*

Warning: Tired & Emotional Author did not check for emotional errors. This is not the usual “facts & research” essay. It may feel attackish. It may feel like a targeting accusation. I guess, in a way, it is. I apologize. But I need to speak.

Sometimes I wish I could be that creator.

The kind who can say mean, hateful things about RISE and walk away. The kind that can go in depth to explain how truly bad Splinter is and how furious Leon makes me and how the way the Foot are portrayed feels like a betrayal to the Foot’s history and everything else cringy or mortifying about that series.

But I can’t. Because that’s not fair.

Because if I spent every single day hating on Rise when I remember something that upsets me, everyone would be rightly upset.

There are people out there who adore this show and I’m just sitting here going through every reason why their favorite thing is stupid.

That doesn’t seem like a nice thing to do by any means.

Just because I have an opinion doesn’t mean I have to share it.

Just because I dislike a character design or certain aspects doesn’t make the show as a whole an inherently awful show. Heck, (as an example, not a truth) just because I dislike every single thing about a show doesn’t make the show itself inherently awful!

I think we should be able to agree on that for any tmnt iteration.

So why is it that 2012 happens to be the favorite outliner?

Why is it that I can’t go a week without someone reminding me how inherently awful and disgusting and terrible it is? Why is it that I’m biased and nostalgic and that’s the only reason that I could like the show, and one day, I’ll have to take a step back and realize how awful it is? How abusive and cringe and stupid it is?

Some days I get online after long, stressful days to indulge and relax and maybe even write- and then someone comes up to tell me how dumb or horrid my love for the show is. And I don’t even want to do any of that anymore because a part of my brain is looking at the screen and wondering, “Maybe they’re right.”

And then I’m miserable because I know that’s not fair.

Why do you get to stand in the way of what I love? Why can’t you talk about the series that you love and adore, and just ignore 2012? What joy do you get out of tearing down the one thing that keeps me sane?

It isn’t like people are sitting down to explain anything. To acknowledge character development or changes or to explain the inherently abusive things the ninja family does and take into account their heritage and bond and then reason why it’s still bad.

It’s always the same things.

“The brothers are so horrible and abusive-”

Great, so don’t watch the show.

“The love triangle is so cringe and Donnie is a creepy stalker-”

Great, so don’t watch the show.

“Splinter is literally The Worst example of Splinters in any iteration-”

Great, so don’t watch the show.

“Leo is so boring and stiff Ugh I can’t believe season three exists-”

Great, so don’t watch the-

“Raph is so mean and cruel and he always takes it out on Mikey-”

Great, so don’t watch-

“Mikey is a poor baby who has never done anything wrong and just likes playing around and doesn’t deserve anything that his family ever throws his way and it’s like they aren’t family at all-”

Great, so-

“That isn’t how REAL brothers would act.”

Great.

Just. Great.

Thanks for sharing.